roselikeschips

 Okay, I'm starting to think we should see just what's goin' on here. Who WAS that?

For today's post, I will let the Tenth Doctor show you in five pictures.

I cannot promise the comments will not have spoilers, but this post does not.

Enjoy.










Thank you for your time. <3

 I'm reposting everything I just put on twitter... I don't know why. It's childish, and I'm stupid for even writing out what I'm feeling in the first place.  It's easier to keep it inside...no risk of confrontation.



Remember back in the day when we would be silly, random, and fangirl about stupid stuff yet be able to calm down and be normal when needed? ...and not because someone else wanted us to tone it down, but because WE wanted to?

I guess I just miss my friend.

Your boyfriend only tolerates me because of you. I'm a downer anyway. You were happier without me back in your life. You have my number. Call or text me if your phone number changes, but maybe I still need to grow up.

So goodbye. I know you aren't reading this, so I'll text you in the morning... maybe meet for lunch like we planned... then that's it.

To be clear, I'm not jealous of your boyfriend, or the fact you have one. I just don't want to make things harder for you. I'm not worth it.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty in any way either. I'm just tired of forcing myself in where I know I'm not welcome or invited.

Our so-called "friends" are your friends. Not mine anymore. Were they even mine, ever?

I may be too needy, but I NEED friends who will love me for me. I know I'm asking for too much. Those don't exist.

Like I said... I'm not worth it anyway.

So I'll wake up tomorrow, and act like everything is fine, because I don't want to burden you or anyone else. Fake smiles and laughter... tricking myself into thinking that I actually have friends...you seemed to be my only friend....

But even then, it feels like you're only doing it because you feel bad since you've known me forever.

I'm tired of making everyone go out of their way for me. I'm too childish and immature for my age anyway.  Obsessing over things/tv shows/actors/actresses is too childish for all of those so-called friends.  The one thing I never wanted to change about myself is what everyone hates about me.

It doesn't matter that I have a good normal job, I pay my own rent, I'm going back to school... none of it matters to them because all they see is the fangirl. Don't they realize that it's just a hobby? My own personal form of stress relief? THIS THE REAL ME.


... And obviously that's the me that they hate and want to change.

I was listening to a song earlier that makes me cry every time I hear it...

"Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become? Who will love me for me? Because nobody has shown me what love really means..."





So who WILL love me for me?

How To Play

• You will be trapped in a closet.
• You will make out with the person who tags you for seven comments.
• There are NO EXCEPTIONS to rule #2.
• CR is fine, but remember rule #2.

Come and kiss Rose~!

(( ooc: please follow the link to respond! <3 ))

That's right folks, I've joined a new rp! So, I will try to filter my f-list and such.  If you want to read my IC entries, just tell me and I'll add you to the "DON'T NEED TO DO NUTHIN" list. otherwise everyone's gonna be separated.

BUT YAY SARAH'S GONNA BE PRODUCTIVE (not just with the fics!)!

Sooooo, I'm writing Human Nature and Family of Blood for the community dr_2nd_chances  - for the series 3 re-write with Rose.

And my idea has John Smith falling in love with Joan Redfern....

I DIDN'T REALIZE UNTIL NOW HOW MUCH I HATE HER AND THAT COUPLE AND OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WRITING THIS AND OMG I HATE THAT COUPLE UGH.

I'm so glad this is a Doctor/Rose community.  I'd die if I had to end it without the Doctor and Rose being together in the end.

omg... I HATE JOAN REDFERN/JOHN SMITH... UGH.

okay, now back to writing...


oh and btw?  It's a pregnancy fic. ...Rose is pregnant...and John Smith is in love with Joan Redfern.

*dies*


edit: I screened those comments that may cause anxiety to some on my f-list. thank you for both of your cooperation with this and I love you BOTH.

 [ooc: this is an rp based off of an idea- what if Rose never met the Doctor she fell in love with? What if she was just a normal companion?]

It was a normal Tuesday evening at the shop, and Rose was just finishing folding the blouses near the doors.  She let her co workers out, then looked around before shutting the lights off and setting the alarm in the store.  With that, she walked out, locked the doors, and began in the direction of home.  Her cell rang.

"Hey Mickey.  Yes, tomorrow," she laughed, "of course I didn't forget! .... Shut up, I'll see you then.  Good night!" the smile didn't leave her face, and she tucked her hands in the pockets of her hoodie and began walking a little faster.

There was a weird noise down an alley...she stopped, wondering if she should continue home- in fact continued to walk- before she stopped again, and turned around, toward the direction of the noise, and stood in the alley watching as a mysterious blue police box materialized right before her eyes.

totally x-posted to my personal journal zomgvampires .

...I love Hannah Montana.

I just finished watching "Hannah Montana - The Movie," and I loved it.

OH DEAR GOD I loved it.


To the point that at certain parts of the movie, I was talking out loud with it, saying things like: "Noo! Miley! Stop it!" or "Awww... Robbie Ray..."

DAMMIT. I love it.

~Sarah

I've been feeling.... I don't know.

Weird.

First the insomnia...then just these anxious feelings- paranoia really...and I don't even know what I'm supposed to be paranoid about.

Every time I try to sit and write anything- be it a random rp post, a fanfic, even what I'm writing now, I just don't FEEL like doing it.

I get...confused.  Once again, I don't even know WHY I'm confused, what the reason behind it would even be.

I've been feeling like crying, just up and crying without any cause.  I could be having an AMAZING day, then suddenly, I'll have this mood swing (and no, I'm NOT pms-ing.  I don't ovulate- don't have a cycle- don't pms. sorry for the TMI).  But the mood swing will happen, then I'll feel overly anxious again, then confused, then I just get this...urge...to do things I wouldn't normally do.  Things I don't like to think about.

I smile all the time...if I don't smile, I'll cry, and I don't like crying.  I feel like I need a reason- like I need to be in pain because crying is all I want to do, and I have absolutely NO reason for it.

I get sick to my stomach thinking about how utterly disgusting, and messed up I am.

I had to think about writing this post.  Because I don't want pity.  I don't want someone to say, "I'm sorry."  I want someone to help me.

And I don't know how they can. Because I don't know what's wrong with me.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to be online. I don't want to do anything except sleep.  And even then, I don't want to dream.  I don't want to think.  I don't want to feel.  I'm tired of it.

I'm just so...tired of it.

And it's really strange.  Because as I write this, I'm crying, but I know tomorrow (later today? it's 5am right now), I'm probably going to be online, and happy, and bubbly, and the typical Sarah that everyone wants me to be.  I might even want to rp something via aim.

I might talk to you about nothing and everything and be the happiest person in the world.

But once everything is quiet.  Once I lay in bed, and wait for sleep to overtake me for hours on end...my thoughts aren't so happy anymore.

Even then, when I'm laughing and smiling and showing everyone the blissful Sarah, this feeling is eating away on the inside.

Just a little bit with every second that passes...every millisecond...

And I hate how this is always my "excuse," because I see it as an excuse, and because I see myself as weak because of it.

I hate myself for it.  I hate how this feeling can just overtake me and rule my life, and I hate it that I can't do anything to stop it.

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I hate it.

But no...no one is ever going to really, truly understand will they?  Because I'll always tell them that I'm fine.  Because feeling like this- burdening my friends to have to put up with me like this, it's not fair to them.  So I'll act like I'm fine.  And I'll smile.

I've always told you guys I'm a great actress.  Acting and you all never even knew it.

I don't want to be here. I'm tired of it.  I'm so tired and I can't sleep.

I don't want it.  I hate it.

Why can't I help myself? Why can't I fix it?

Nothing works.